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Macron Economics: Free World for a Few, Bondage for Humanity

I saw a headline referring to President Macron of France as being some “leader of the free world”. And we’ve heard people complain that Trump isn’t fit to be the “leader of the free world”. Yeah, well, who cares? Who appoints any of these clowns to be the leaders of the free world, the semi-free world, or the $1.99 world anyway? Themselves? Obviously so. None of them are worthy enough to lead an ant farm. And, truth be told, the free world itself is just the equivalent of an aging miniature golf course parked next to a defunct Sir George’s Smorgasbord. Once a destination of silly games and gluttonous consumption, but it’s heading towards insolvency and the wrecking ball.

Look here, the free world ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. Number One, ain’t nothing free in it! Everything costs money up in this overpriced hellhole that bills itself as “free” but the subscription price isn’t worth the postage. I mean really! The “free” world?! What, are we in the Cold War again? That phrase was already ancient in the 1980s! Right now, it’s so past its “Best By” date we’ll need a jackhammer to scrape it off the shelf in the fridge. The “free world”! Huh. Do tell.

There is no such thing as this “free world”. But what they’re actually trying to say is “The West” without sounding like the Eurocentric and America Uber Alles crap that it actually is. That’s false advertising! This poppycock all started when the West appointed itself the chaperone of the world to prevent the Third World from going out on blind dates with the Soviet Union. That is, after all, why the French lost the Vietnam War in the 1950’s and the United States decided to go ahead and lose it, too, by 1975. They did not want Vietnam to decide for themselves that, hey man, maybe this free world ain’t so damn hot after all. After all, they’d had the French up in there for decades playing colonial overlord and they’d been lied to about self-determination during and after World War Two. That’s why it took a war to eject the French. And why it took the extended play version of the war to eject the United States later.

You’ve got to hand it to countries that successfully kick the West out. They saw the hand writing on the wall and the message it was writing is this: “You will not be free in the free world. Because they themselves are not truly free, either. Just ask the poor among them.” They knew damn well the West could not be trusted because the West had been carving the world up for themselves for the past 300 years and more. It took 500 years to finally eject the Crusaders out of the Middle East once and for all without them coming back for extra helpings of ass kicks.

People say, “Gosh, you sure are hard on the United States and the West.” Of course I am. I’m the court jester. It’s my job. I see in the news President Macron in France wants to build a “New Syria”. As if the French hadn’t already been there right after World War One, having been given Syria like plunder. Did anyone think to ask the Syrians what they thought about that deal? No. The French were given it like a slice of peach pie off a plate. “Gosh, League of Nations, you gave Syria to the French, but what about us?”, the British said. Oh, here, have Palestine and the Trans-Jordan. The West sure is generous giving away countries they don’t actually live in and are a thousand miles or more away from. Then they wonder why they’re not trusted.

I would say it’s high time to tell the free world that the rest of the world is a No Parking Zone. Keep your aircraft carriers out of other peoples coasts, keep your drones in your own airspace, and keep your cruise missiles holstered. Look, I live in Arizona. Everyone here is armed because it’s a law that you can carry a gun open or concealed. If you have a business and you don’t want people carrying guns in there, you have to post a sign saying so. I think we need to do that to the free world. Post signs around the rest of the world: “No Free World Military Or Weapons Allowed”.

Free world means “you are free to join us” or else face the hell and heat of the military-industrial complex. George Orwell warned of this world.

The free world itself is a badly told joke: “Did you hear the one about the American who thought he was free but went to jail for smoking marijuana?” Stop me if you’ve heard this one: “An American military walks into a war the Soviets abandoned that it armed the anti-Soviet guerrillas in. Then decided to fight those guerrillas it armed supposing it would win the war an equal military power had just lost.” That’s a good one. You could start that one as, “A British army, and American army, and a Soviet army walk into Afghanistan…” The Pashtun would say, “yes, yes, we’ve heard that one!”

What an abysmal farce it all is. If Shakespeare were alive today, he’d be chugging triple shot espressos every hour burning the midnight oil to write the plays about the shenanigans of free world. Or maybe not. The entire free world is nothing but the Marx Brothers film “Duck Soup” being acted out in real life by real countries. How can the free world say to the rest of the world, “We are the wise ones who know how to do things!”?! Yeah, like lose the Vietnam War twice in a row. Like turning Iraq into rubble and calling that “free”. To paraphrase Tacitus, “they made a wasteland and they called it free.”

Free world citizens love to imagine they actually are free. So they go out and protest in these places called “free speech zones”. When your free speech time is up, in move the riot police with tear gas, batons, and rubber bullets. Behind them are the buses with chain link over the windows to cart the free off to the reality of what the free world is actually about: jail. Americans, the exemplars of the free world, know that the United States builds new prisons yearly but most states haven’t built a new public school in 40 years. Americans support the new prisons because they’re told working in there is a “good job” and it pays slightly more than Walmart. And prison isn’t free, either. They're finding ways to bill prisoners for stuff in there now. You've got to hand it to the free world. They found a way to charge money to be imprisoned. Click To Tweet

People say, “Well, what are your solutions, then?!” Hey man, I’m not the one touting myself as a “leader of the free world”! I’m not up here telling the other countries labeled as “the Third World” that I am filled with wisdom and, oh, here, have an IMF loan you’ll never be able to pay back. I didn’t launch cruise missiles at Syria based on intel that if it was a check someone wrote, would have bounced twenty feet high. I didn’t go into Iraq, reduce it to rubble, then claim it’s free because a Kentucky Fried Chicken opened up there. I’m not here to sell solutions. I’m selling: Free world, shut up! That’s what I’m selling. Things will settle themselves if the free world would just stay in its own backyard and notice that, hey, its own backyard is a disaster area.

I’ve had enough free world for one lifetime, thank you very much. I can’t afford any more free world. I’m still looking for the receipt to take this one back for a refund. “Excuse me, but this free world has not lived up to the claims you made on the television commercials. No, I don’t want to exchange it for another free world. I want my money back.” That’s all. I want my money back. This free world is a ripoff. Just ask the countries it tried to sell itself to. #MacronEconomics

“All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.” ~ George Orwell

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Jack Perry
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Jack Perry

Jack Perry is a writer who lives with his wife in the Sonoran Desert of Arizona. When talking about the ambitions and goals of the United States government, Jack warns: "Always Assume It's A Scam." Jack writes, bakes bread, and is a Path pilgrim and wayfarer of this world.
Jack Perry
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