For over 16 years, dating back to when I first started writing on a now-defunct blog I started in 2005, I have been praising the virtues of womanhood while subconsciously marginalizing the roles men have in society. I did not mean to be malicious or divisive in doing so, my father worked all the time so I grew up without a male role model and my mother came of age in a culture that has a tendency to disparage women and devaluing their contributions.
My mother was my best friend growing up; we were inseparable as we traveled around Addis Abeba in my formative years only to do the same when we arrived in America as refugees. Where she went, I went as she took me with her to the church, grocery stores, shopping malls and various Ethiopian community events. As much as I learned from my mother, the main attributes I picked up from her were empathy, compassion for others and learning to listen to people during their times of need.
While I loved hanging out with my mom, I also came to despise men who tried to hit on my mom or objectify her even though she had her son next to her. These incidents only grew in frequency the older I got; I wanted to punch these men but I was young so I could only witness silently as she ignored catcalls while tending to her children. Though I mythicized my father for breaking his back to provide for his family, I grew to loathe the “toxic masculinity” that led many to objectify my mother.
What I realized recently is that I have been collectively judging men, including myself, for the sins of a few assholes who never evolved beyond their teenage years. The truth is that most men, though we have our flaws, are good and decent people who work hard daily to provide for their families and give back to their communities. There was no need to mythicize my dad, he was not a superhero who stood above and beyond every other man, he did what a father is expected to do and that is exactly what made him exceptional.
There is no need to hide this fact, I am an uber-feminist who believed for a long time that women should take over the world because we men are the reason this world is about to implode because we refuse to check our egos. Now I realize how utterly foolish this belief of mine was; if we are going to redeem our planet, it will be because all of humanity decides to stop being greedy and start to consume as we need instead of devouring as we desire. There are men who have good qualities and there are some with bad traits, the same can be said of women so it is high time we stop painting with broad brushes and instead assign blame individually as it is warranted.
There is something to be said about men with “toxic masculinity”; guys who beat women, insult ladies and diminish their lights should in fact be called out for their mendacity. However, this “toxic masculinity” is not limited to just men, there are way too many women these days who have been conditioned to disregard their feminine traits and instead “think like a man”. Girls are being taught to be like boys and in the process being programmed to wash away their nurturing and caring qualities. Gender fluidity is nothing more than a means of confusing children and reducing procreation.
Six years ago, I wrote a missive titled “Memo to shE” where I extolled the virtues of womanhood and posted it on Facebook. I was attacked by five or six “feminists” who accused me of “mansplaining” and being a sexist. These women took on the persona of the very “alpha men” they hated as they hurled ad hominem and blasted me for daring to praise the loving and empathetic qualities of women that I learned to cherish thanks to my mother. I was about to match their acrimony with equal antipathy until one woman pressed like and thanked me for the write-up.
I could have raised my frequency to match the fury of my Y-chromosome coveting detractors only to lose the few follicles I have left on my head. Instead, I chose to focus my energies on the one person who valued my work and for that I was blessed with a wife and an amazing son by the name of Yohannes who makes me smile even when I feel overwhelmed by the burdens of this world. I am going to raise my son to respect women at all times but to also value his manhood. The same way that girls should not be shamed for being kind, giving and nurturing, neither should boys be made to feel ashamed of their determination, tenacity and vigor.
This is not to infer that women can’t be determined, tenacious or vigorous anymore than men can’t be kind, giving and nurturing. Stating that Japanese people love sushi or that Ethiopians are enamored with injera does not mean that Japanese people only eat sushi or that Ethiopians do not know how to use knives and forks. Nevertheless, just because there are exceptions to the rule doesn’t mean that the rules don’t exist. For the most part, women are better at being the emotional backbone of families and men are better at taking care of tasks that require physical exertion. If saying that makes me a “sexist”, so be it.
Facts 💯: @HillaryClinton @Alyssa_Milano & grievance capitalists push #MeToo to create strife & divide women from men. If it was truly about protecting women, @Oprah would’ve followed @rosemcgowan to say #TimesUp to sexual predator @JoeBiden. #WeToo https://t.co/St4rp0xzrp
— Teodrose Fikremariam (@Teodrose_Fikre) September 15, 2021
Ladies, take this as friendly advice from an uber-ally, do not let grievance peddlers who are being paid by the very “old white men” they pretend to be raging against deliver you into the land of desolation. I am all for economic fairness and ensuring equity based on merit, but breaking glass ceilings by losing what makes you unique apart from men will lead you to become broken shards who attain success only to find loneliness at the top of the mountain.
Equality by emulating our worst traits comes at a tremendous cost; men are four times likelier to commit suicide and their average life expectancy is significantly shorter than that of women. That is because we were raised to stuff our emotions inside and to never seek help when we are enduring difficulties. You should teach us to be more like you so we can deal with life’s hardships by opening up and being vulnerable. If you choose to copy and paste our coping mechanisms, be ready to delete your hair and backspace 5 years off your lives in the process.
Let me revert to the wisdom of my father Fikremariam Million and dispense some tough love—with an emphasis on love—to some men who might need to hear the following message. For too long, I used to write about the hardships women endure while minimizing the struggles that come with being a man. We are taught to conquer the world yet we are rarely given the tools to defeat the spirits of hurtful words whispered to us as children, the agonies of unmet expectations and the turmoils of unrequited love.
We suffer alone because we are indoctrinated to believe that saying “I need help” is a sign of weakness when in reality seeking therapy by way of conversations and proximity is the best way to mend. Women have support groups from their families, friends, coworkers to even strangers they turn to when life becomes too much to handle while we opt to suffer in silence only to die before our time. It is imperative that we break this taboo; next time you face a difficulty, instead of withdrawing inward, express outward and cast those demons out.
Most importantly, know your self-worth! Do not let anyone tell you that you are lesser than and don’t let society deceive you into thinking that the only way to assess a man’s value is through material possessions and monetary accumulations. While it is good to have ambitions in life, we must also find gratitude in all things. I was miserable while making six figures at Booz Allen Hamilton, it took two years of homelessness for me to find true joy and purpose. Be humble but affirm that you are awesome; there are many who will beat you up and reduce you with their words. Ignore them, you are a child of God and that makes you royalty just like our equal halves.
We live in a time of unending frictions where “blacks” are being pitted against “whites”, the left is being manipulated to bash the right and people are being ghettoized based on their medical status. Given all these divisions, the biggest one of them all is the original severance that happened when two were duped into taking a bite of ego that came in the form of an apple. The few who rule and run roughshod over billions of people do so by emotionally manipulating people to fight among themselves. Turning men against women and vise versa was their original win.
It is high time for a truce because these culture wars are leading us right over the cliff. Life would not be possible without the contribution of both men and women; though I doff my hat to women for carrying almost all of the burden to deliver our future, without the deposit of men, all wombs would be barren. Let’s top falling for traps being set before us by division capitalists who thrive while their adherents are impoverished. Let us transcend our differences so that our children can have a future where little boys and little girls can hold hands and be valued for the content of their character instead of being judged for the designation of their pronouns.There is a war being waged against men and it has nothing to do with protecting women or advancing their interests, it's all about divide and conquer and emasculating nearly 50% of humanity. #WeToo Click To Tweet
As for the fellas out there reading this article, it is time to stand up and make our presence felt. We are headed towards perilous times as the same people who are funding demagogues to create strife between women and men are about to unleash hell upon America and beyond. When that time arrives, we need to revert to full alpha-male mode to protect our loved ones and push back against tyranny that is about to be loosened using another false flag. It is my prayer that women will likewise find their inner lioness and join our side instead of being duped to unleash their fury against their feathers, brothers and sons. Truly, we shall either hang together or we shall hang apart.
“Before passing a judgment on somebody just give it a thought about what he or she went through.”~ Paresh Rawal
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